John Newton's Letters
Family worship
Sir,
A neglect of family prayer is, I am afraid, too common among professors in
this day. I am glad that you consider it both as a duty and a privilege, and
are by grace determined, that, when you shall commence as the head of a
family, you will worship God with all your house. It was Abraham's
commendation, that he not only served the Lord himself, but was solicitous
that his children and household might serve him likewise. I trust that he
who inclines your heart to walk in the footsteps of faithful Abraham, will
bless you in the attempt, and give you peace in your dwelling; a mercy which
is seldom enjoyed, which indeed can hardly be expected, by those families
which call not upon the Lord.
Though I readily comply with your request, and would be
glad if I can offer anything that may assist or animate you in your good
purpose, I am afraid I shall not answer your expectations with regard to the
particulars of your inquiry, concerning the most proper method of
conducting family worship. The circumstances of families are so various,
that no determinate rules can be laid down: nor has the word of God
prescribed any; because, being of universal obligation, it is wisely and
graciously accommodated to suit the different situations of his people. You
must, therefore, as to circumstantials, judge for yourself. You will do
well to pursue such a method as you shall find most convenient to yourself
and family, without scrupulously binding yourself, when the Scripture has
left you free.
We have no positive precept enjoining us any set time for
prayer, nor even how often we should pray, either in public or private;
though the expressions of "continuing instant in prayer," "praying without
ceasing," and the like, plainly intimate that prayer should be frequent.
Daniel prayed three times a day; which the Psalmist speaks of as his
practice likewise; and in one place declares his purpose of praising God
seven times a day. This last expression is perhaps indefinite, not precisely
seven times—but very often. Indeed, a person who lives in the exercise of
faith and love, and who finds by experience that it is good for him to draw
near to God, will not need to be told how often he must pray, any more
than how often he must converse with an earthly friend. Those whom we love,
we love to be much with. Love is the best casuist, and either resolves or
prevents a thousand scruples and questions, which may perplex those who only
serve God from principles of constraint and fear. A believer will
account those his happiest days, when he has most leisure and most liberty
of spirit for the exercise of prayer.
However, I think family should be performed at least
daily, and, when unavoidable hindrances do not prevent, twice a day. Though
all times and seasons are alike to the Lord, and his ear is always open
whenever we have a heart to call upon him; yet to us there is a
peculiar suitableness in beginning and closing the day with prayer: in the
morning, to acknowledge his goodness in our preservation through the night,
and entreat his presence and blessing on our families and callings in the
course of the day; and at night, to praise him for the mercies of the day
past, to humble ourselves before him for what has been amiss, to wait on him
for a renewed manifestation of his pardoning love, and to commit ourselves
and our concerns to his care and protection while we sleep.
You will, of course, choose those hours when you are
least liable to be interrupted by the calls of business, and when the family
can assemble with the most convenience: only I would observe, that it
greatly preserves regularity and good order in a house, to keep constantly
to the same hours when it is practical; and likewise, that it is best not to
defer evening prayer until late, if it can be well avoided; lest some who
join in the exercise, and perhaps the person himself who leads in it, should
be too weary or sleepy to give a due attention. On this account, I would
advise to have family prayer before supper, where people have the choice and
disposal of their own hours.
I think, with you, that it is very expedient and proper
that reading a portion of the word of God should be ordinarily a part of our
family worship; so likewise to sing a hymn or psalm, or part of one, at
discretion; provided there are some people in the family who have enough of
a musical ear and voice to conduct the singing in a tolerable manner:
otherwise, perhaps, it may be better omitted. If you read and sing, as well
as pray, care should be taken that the combined services do not run into
an inconvenient length.
The chief thing to be attended to is, that it may be a
spiritual service; and the great evil to be dreaded and guarded against
in the exercise of every duty that returns frequently upon us, is
formality. If a stated course of family prayer is kept up as constantly
in its season as the striking of the clock, in time it may come to be almost
as mechanically performed, unless we are continually looking to the Lord to
keep our hearts alive.
It most frequently happens, that one or more members of a
family are unconverted people. When there are such present, a great regard
should be had to them, and everything conducted with a view to their
edification, that they may not be disgusted or wearied, or tempted to think
that it is little more than the fashion or custom of the house; which will
probably be the case, unless the master of the family is lively and
earnest in performance of the duty, and likewise circumspect and consistent
in every part of his behavior at other times. By leading in the worship
of God before children or strangers, a man gives bond (as it were) for his
behavior, and adds strength to every other motive which should engage him to
abstain from all appearance of evil. It should be a constant check upon
our language and tempers in the presence of our families, to consider that
we began the day, and propose to end it, with them in prayer. The
Apostle Peter uses this argument to influence the conduct of husbands and
wives towards each other; and it is equally applicable to all the members of
a family; "That your prayers be not hindered," that is, either prevented and
put off, or despoiled of all life and efficacy, by the ferment of sinful
passions.
On the other hand, the proper exercise of family prayer,
when recommended by a suitable deportment, is a happy means of instructing
children in the great truths of religion, of softening their prejudices, and
inspiring them with a temper of respect and affection, which will dispose
them to cheerful obedience, and make them unwilling to grieve or offend.
In this instance, as in every other, we may observe, that
the Lord's commands to his people are not arbitrary appointments; but that,
so far as they are conscientiously complied with, they have an evident
tendency and suitableness to promote our own advantage. He requires us to
acknowledge him in our families, for our own sakes; not because he has need
of our poor services, but because we have need of his blessing, and without
the influence of his grace (which is promised to all who seek it) are sure
to be unhappy in ourselves and in all our connections.
When husband and wife are happily partakers of the
same faith, it seems expedient, and for their mutual good, that, besides
their private devotions, and joining in family prayer, they should pray
together. They have many needs, mercies, and concerns, in common with each
other, and distinct from the rest of the family. The manner in which they
should improve a little time in this joint exercise cannot well be
prescribed by a third person: yet I will venture to suggest one thing; and
especially, as I do not remember to have met with it in print. I conceive
that it may prove much to their comfort to pray alternately, not only the
husband with and for the wife, but the wife with and for the husband. The
Spirit of God, by the Apostle, has expressly restrained women from the
exercise of spiritual gifts in public; but I apprehend the practice I am
speaking of can no way interfere with that restriction. I suppose them in
private together, and then I judge it to be equally right and proper for
either of them to pray with the other. Nor do I meet anything in Paul's
writings to prevent my thinking, that if he had been a married man, he
would, though an Apostle, have been glad for the prayers of his wife. If you
ask, how often they should pray together? I think the oftener the better,
provided it does not break in upon their duties; once a day at least; and if
there is a choice of hours, it might be as well at some distance from their
other seasons of worship. But I would observe, as before, that in matters
not expressly commanded, prudence and experience must direct.
I have written upon a supposition that you use
extemporaneous prayer; but as there are many heads of families who fear the
Lord, and have not yet attained liberty to pray extemporaneously before
others, I would add, that their inability in this respect, whether real, or
whether only proceeding from fear, and an undue regard to self, will not
justify them in the omission of family prayer. Helps may be procured. Mr.
Jenks's Devotions are in many hands; and I doubt not but there are other
excellent books of the same kind, with which I am not acquainted. If they
begin with a form, not with a design to confine themselves always to one,
but make it a part of their secret pleading at the Throne of Grace, that
they may be favored with the gift and spirit of prayer; and accustom
themselves, while they use a form, to intersperse some petitions of their
own; there is little doubt but they will in time find a growth in liberty
and ability, and at length lay their book entirely aside. For it being every
believer's duty to worship God in his family, his promise may be depended
upon, to give them a sufficiency in all things, for those services which he
requires of them.
Happy is that family where the worship of God is
constantly and conscientiously maintained. Such houses are temples in which
the Lord dwells, and castles garrisoned by a Divine power. I do not say,
that, by honoring God in your house, you will wholly escape a share in the
trials incident to the present uncertain state of things. A measure of
such trials will be necessary for the exercise and manifestation of your
graces; to give you a more convincing proof of the truth and sweetness of
the promises made to a time of affliction; to mortify the body of sin; and
to wean you more effectually from the world. But this I will confidently
say, that the Lord will both honor and comfort those who thus honor him.
Seasons will occur in which you shall know, and probably your neighbors
shall be constrained to take notice, that he has not bid you seek him in
vain. If you meet with troubles, they shall be accompanied by supports, and
followed by deliverance; and you shall upon many occasions experience, that
God is your protector, preserving you and yours from the evils by which you
will see others suffering around you.
I have rather exceeded the limits I proposed; and
therefore shall only add a request, that in your addresses at the Throne of
Grace you will remember me.