To Mrs. Turner, November 27, 1855.
My beloved friend in Jesus,
"Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as
though some strange thing happened unto you," but be comforted in knowing
that the Lord's gold is always tried with fire, and that the trial
often comes in a time and way least expected; like him of old who said,
"When I looked for good, then evil came unto me; and when I waited for
light, then came darkness. I went mourning without the sun: I stood up, and
I cried in the congregation." And thus it seems to have been with you in the
change of your minister, which must have been very trying; but
"God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain."
Still wait on Him in wrestling prayer, and before long
the dark cloud will burst in blessings on your head. The Lord often puts a
death upon means and ministers, because we are so prone to "look to
them, instead of through them." "Power belongs unto God;" and the
most suitable and efficient ministry is only a blessing as He makes it so.
In order that we may learn this experimentally, and be taught to live in
simple dependence upon Himself, He will sometimes cause the Brook of
Ordinances to dry up for a season, by which I mean we shall feel no power in
them, and the minister whom we have found most profitable shall bring no
message from the Lord to our souls. I have been in this case, my dear
friend, and have had to bless the Lord for it afterwards; for although very
painful, yet the blessed Spirit does thereby teach us to profit, and bring
us to say with David, "My soul, wait only upon God, for my expectation is
from him."
I am grieved to hear that you are suffering serious
bodily affliction; but if in it you find Jesus, it will indeed be to you a
cup of blessing, as I have fully proved; for as the bitter waters of Marah
were made sweet by the healing tree which Moses cast into them, even so the
most bitter affliction is healed of its bitterness when by faith we
apprehend a precious Jesus as the Tree of Life, whose leaves are for the
healing of the nations. I think I told you how much I have enjoyed these
words, "who heals all your diseases," as regards myself; not that my body is
healed of the disease, or is ever likely to be—but the disease itself is
healed of all that would savor of wrath, curse, or bitterness; it is all
sent in love, though disagreeable to the flesh; and the spirit seeing so
much, so very much mercy in it, can feelingly and joyfully say, "It is
well."
This, however, is only "by the working of his mighty
power," for when I was first fully confirmed as to the nature of the malady,
gloom overhung my mind, and I could not for some time feel as I desired. I
have sometimes thought it was like the first day—evening and morning—not the
brightness first—but the shade. My soul did groan unto the Lord for a
blessing in it—but I could not for some time spread out my case before Him,
or "fill my mouth with arguments." Yet He hears "the voice of our weeping,"
and our groaning is not hidden from Him; yes, it "enters into his ears." He
knows what it means, and that we would say and feel if we could, "Your will,
not mine, be done."
We may groan and sigh, and think we cannot pray—but that
groan and that sigh are prayer in His account, and He often answers them, as
this unworthy heart can testify; for though in one part of this affliction
my mind was enveloped in cloud, yet before long the blessed Sun of
Righteousness did arise with healing in His wings. Then was sorrow turned
into joy before Him, and gloom and darkness fled away at His presence. O
beloved, He can take off the keen edge from everything to which our frame is
subject, and turn the curse into a blessing, yes, turn the water of
affliction into the wine of consolation. I have been led quite
unintentionally to speak thus of myself; but perhaps those things flow most
freely which we have ourselves tasted and handled; and as you are now a
"companion in tribulation," may the blessed Spirit breathe into your soul
some word of comfort or encouragement, that by His power you may be
strengthened with might in the inner man unto all patience and
long-suffering, with joyfulness.
May I be allowed to say that whatever be the nature of
your affliction you will find it weakening to look at it; but, looking unto
Jesus, you will have, moment by moment, incomings of strength and
support—not a stock in hand—but just as you need it. When Peter looked at
the waves, he soon began to fear and to sink—but while he looked at his
Master, though they were still boisterous, yet all was well. So I find it,
and so will you. When looking at this or that painful thing it is quite too
much for us—but when looking unto Jesus, and leaving all to Him, we are
borne through the trial, and the very mountains become a plain; yes, and the
floods which we thought would overwhelm us are made to divide that we may
pass safely through.
May the Lord increase our faith, and cause us to live in
the fullest privilege of those deep words, "You are not your own;" and may
He be pleased so to nourish your faith by His word and Spirit that you shall
find how sweet it is,
"To lie passive in His hands,
And know no will but His."
Then you will say, "This is the Lord's doing, and it is
marvelous in our eyes." Whatever your present state may be, my heart would
say to you, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" Nothing! He can support and
deliver; He can make you joyful in the affliction, and then bring you with
joy out of it. If it be His holy will, may He soon command
deliverance for you, saying, "I am the Lord who heals you."
I trust your soul is more at rest in Jesus. Oh! may He
bring you fully into that liberty wherewith He makes His people free, which
is such a liberty as the debtor has when his surety has paid all he owed;
such a liberty as the prisoner has when he is told that the law has now
nothing against him. "Who can bring an accusation against God’s elect? God
is the One who justifies. Who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is the
One who died, but even more, has been raised; He also is at the right hand
of God and intercedes for us." (Rom. 8:33, 34)
But, say you, am I the character here spoken of? Read
Rom. 7. There the character is described to whom belongs the "no
condemnation" of Rom. 8, and I do think yours is there described; but as
long as we look to our evidences for comfort we shall be full of disquiet,
for we discover such weakness in our faith, such wavering in our hope, such
coldness in our love, yes, such shortcoming in everything, that we cannot
find here any rest for the sole of our foot as regards spiritual confidence.
It must be all in Christ! "He is the rock, and his work is perfect," while
our works are all broken and faulty. Oh! may the blessed Spirit set your
feet upon this Rock, and establish your goings there. May He enable you to
make the venture of faith, just as you are, with wants and woes, sins and
fears.
"Venture on Him, venture wholly!
Let no other trust intrude."
And it is not only one venture—but many. The life of
faith is continued venturing afresh, finding no more in self to encourage us
at the last than at the first, remembering in the midst of all
discouragements how "David encouraged himself in the Lord his God." And that
is just what faith does. By reason of the flood of corruptions within and
tribulation without, the poor soul can find no place of rest—but, by faith,
she flies to the Ark, and the Lord pulls her in. I commend you to that
precious Jesus who still "receives sinners, and eats with them."
And, wishing you every covenant blessing, remain in His
warm love your unworthy but affectionate friend,
Ruth Bryan.