Francis Bourdillon, 1873
 

Minister: "And now, as we have got through our business, Clayton, let us turn to something more important. I was glad to see you at church last Sunday. Now that you have come once, I hope you will come regularly."

Clayton: "Well, I don't know, sir; I liked all I heard very well, but I don't see any use in going unless one's heart is in it."

Minister: "And is not your heart in it?"

Clayton: "No, I can't say it is. I won't deceive you, sir — I don't feel drawn that way, and I see no use in trying until I am. I can't make myself different. You said yourself in your sermon, 'A man can't change his own heart.'"

Minister: "And I say so again — none but the Holy Spirit can do that. But why keep away on that account?"

Clayton: "Because, as I am now, I have no heart in it, and I don't see the use of going so. Excuse me, sir, if I speak plainly, but that's the truth."

Minister: "I am glad you do speak plainly, because then I can speak plainly too. Clayton, do you ever pray?"

Clayton: "Not very often."

Minister: "Why not?"

Clayton: "For the same reason — because I seem to have no heart for prayer. If I kneel down, I don't feel as if I was in earnest; and I am sure it is no use praying without heart."

Minister: "That is very true. But why not ask God to make you in earnest?"

Clayton: "I can't ask God for anything as I am now, because I don't really feel the wish, and I can't make myself wish."

Minister: "Now I think you are going too far. You say you don't feel the wish — what wish?"

Clayton: "Why, the wish to be different from what I am, for I know I am not in a good way now. But it's of no use talking, sir; I hope it will come some day, and it's no good trying or praying or anything else, until it does."

Minister: "Did you ever try in earnest?"

Clayton: "I don't know that I ever did. I know it's of no use."

Minister (after a pause): "You were laid up with the rheumatism some time ago, were you not?"

Clayton: "It was the lumbago, and very bad I was with it. I didn't leave the house for six weeks."

Minister: "Well, now, you are a cabinet-maker, and I have heard you say you don't get much work to do. I was down at the docks this morning, and Mr. Wheeler took me over to his large new ship that is to be launched next week. I found your neighbor over the way, Mr. Harrod, there fitting up the captain's cabin; he had several men at work besides himself, for the cabin is all to be lined with mahogany, and there is all the furniture to be fitted to it besides. Mr. Harrod has been at it for several weeks and says it is the best job he has had all the year. You would have liked to have it, wouldn't you? Only the order came just when you were laid up."

Clayton: "Oh! I'd have managed it somehow, if Mr. Wheeler had given me the job; but no such luck comes in my way. Why, sir, Mr. Harrod will make thirty pounds by it, if he makes a penny. I'd have gone there on my hands and knees, rather than lose such a chance; trust me, I'd have gotten down to the docks fast enough, lumbago and all."

Minister: "I have no doubt that you would. At all events you would have tried; though before, you thought you could not stir a step. Now, just let us go back to what we were talking of. You say you do not try, because you are sure it's of no use?"

Clayton: "Ah! I see what you are driving at, sir. But the two things are not alike. I would have wanted to get that job at the ship — but I don't want the other. I don't feel any desire; I'm not in earnest — and I must wait until I am."

Minister: "But, on your own showing, it is more 'I won't' than 'I can't.' You say you are not in earnest — do you wish you were?"

Clayton: "Yes, I would be glad to feel differently, certainly."

Minister: "Are you quite sure of that?"

(No answer.)

"Because, to speak plainly, I am not sure that you are. Don't be offended with me for saying so, but I do not think you really wish to be different from what you are. On your own showing — wouldn't you try, if you did? It is not that you can't, but you won't. I cannot believe that a man who would hobble down to the wharf-side, all crippled and in pain, just to get a thirty-pound job, would sit still and say, 'It's no use trying,' if he really wished to be a different man. Why, only set one thing against the other: on the one hand, a good job of work; on the other, the salvation of your soul — for it comes to that. No, Clayton, you are not in earnest — your heart is not set towards God, and you don't wish it to be. You have no real care for your soul, or how could you sit still and let it take its chance for eternity and coolly say, 'I can't make myself different, it's no use trying'? Now, am I too hard on you, or is this the truth?"

(Clayton made no reply.)

"I have no wish to be hard on you, but I do think you are not awake to the preciousness of your soul. Your will is in fault — you said so yourself; but the evil lies even deeper than you think — your heart and will are altogether wrong. Oh, how differently you would speak and act, if you were convinced of sin and brought to feel your soul's need! Now I want to show you that this change of will (in other words, a new heart) is what God has promised to give, and therefore the very thing you should pray for. In all you have told me of your feelings, there is nothing but what God has foreseen and provided for. But I will not do it in my own words. I see a Bible on the shelf; just give it to me and bring your chair next to mine, and let us look at a few passages together; and may God teach our hearts by his Spirit."

Clayton still said nothing, but the Bible was brought, and they sat side by side, and the minister opened the sacred book, and as he did so his heart was lifted up in prayer, that he might be led to suitable passages, and that the word might be blessed by the Spirit.

"First, I want to show you that man's will is by nature corrupt and disinclined to God — so that it is no wonder that you nor anyone else feels no heart for spiritual things. At the very beginning of the Bible we find this, 'Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually!' (Genesis 6:5). That was before the flood. But, ages after, we find man no better; here, in the prophecy of Jeremiah, it is said, 'The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked!' (Jeremiah 17:9). And if we turn to the New Testament, we shall find something plainer and stronger still. Here, for instance, 'But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him, nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned' (1 Corinthians 2:14)."

Clayton: "I don't want to interrupt you, sir, but all this is nothing new to me. I have told you all along that I don't feel any interest in these things, so it doesn't surprise me to find it said so in the Bible."

Minister: "But suppose I can show you that this very thing is spoken of in the Bible as a fault — and a thing which man might help if he chose. Look here for instance: 'They do not direct their deeds toward turning to their God' (Hosea 5:4). This is God's complaint against Israel: not, you see, that they cannot, but that they will not. And there is a remarkable verse at the end of the same chapter, which you ought to lay to heart: 'I will return again to My place — until they acknowledge their offence. They then will seek my face.' You say you must wait until God changes you, but here He seems to say He will wait until you seek Him — did you ever notice that verse?"

Clayton: "I don't know that I ever did."

Minister: "Well, don't forget it. You know, you must not take one part of Scripture and leave another. Now look at this verse in the Psalms: 'The wicked in his pride, does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts' (Psalm 10:4). There is often pride in us, where we do not suspect it. Perhaps after all, it is pride which keeps you from seeking God. And now, once more, turn to the words of the Lord Jesus Himself; this is His complaint against the Jews: 'But you are not willing to come to Me, that you may have life' (John 5:40). What could any plain, honest man think from these words, but that the Jews might have come if they would? And is it not just the same with you? Ah, Clayton, perhaps the Lord Jesus says of you — that you will not come to Him that you might have life; perhaps this is His complaint against you — that though He has died that sinners might live, and though He has called you to Him again and again — yet you will not come, but only cavil at His words like those hard-hearted Jews, and reason about whether you can come or not, instead of taking Him at His word and coming. Let me ask you one thing: Do you think God would invite us to come to Him — if He knew we could not? And if God has promised, in answer to prayer, to take away our unwillingness, and dispose us to seek Him — does not this do away with all excuse?"

Clayton: "It does seem so indeed. But I cannot even pray as I ought, and I believe no one can until it is given to him."

Minister: "I believe if you really wished for the thing — then you would pray, without stopping to think whether you could or not. But granting that no one can pray aright until it is given him (which I believe as much as you do), my answer is that God will give it. That disciple must have felt he could not pray, who said, 'Lord, teach us to pray' (Luke 11:1). Whether it was lack of inclination, or lack of knowledge — he felt (I suppose it was the latter), that it makes no difference in the argument; he needed help to pray, and asked for it; and Jesus granted his request. It is one of the offices of the Holy Spirit to help in prayer, 'Likewise the Spirit also helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered' (Romans 8:26). Words could not speak more plainly. We have infirmities about prayer — not you only, but all of us; and not all the same, but one this and another that — and God knows this far better than we do, and has provided for it. The Holy Spirit comes to our help, brings us into a fit state of mind, makes us wish for right things, warms our desires, puts thoughts and feelings into us, and helps us in our very words. You are not the only man in need of this help; I need it too, and often seek it; and whenever I have been enabled freely and fully to lay my needs before God, I am well aware who it is that has helped me; it has not been my own doing alone.

"But there is one more thing I want to bring you to. I wish to show you clearly that God has promised to give a new heart; in other words, to make people different from what they were — the very thing you say you cannot do for yourself. Listen to this, 'Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return unto Me with their whole heart' (Jeremiah 24:7). There are three or four more passages to the same effect. (See also Jeremiah 31:33; 32:39; Ezekiel 11:19-20; 36:26, etc.) It is true these promises were made to Israel. But, in the first place, there never was a more rebellious people, so that a promise made to them is full of encouragement to others. And, in the next place, Israel is an example to us, and God's dealings with them are a pattern of His dealings with us (2 Corinthians 10:2). 

"But there is another promise, made not to Israel only, but to all: 'If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children — then how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!' (Luke 11:13) To them: that is, to all that ask Him — to you, Clayton, if you ask Him. You could not have a promise more suited to your case; if ever your heart is to be changed, it must be by the Holy Spirit, and here the Holy Spirit is promised to those who ask. But I have stayed much longer than I meant, and fear I have taken up your time, and tired you besides."

Clayton: "Say nothing about that, sir; I have not anything particular to do, and I'd rather hear all."

Minister: "Well then, I will just show you one instance of such prayer as I wish you to make; it is this: 'Restore me, and I will return — for You are the Lord my God' (Jeremiah 31:18). Now here is exactly the prayer for you; because it not only asks for what you need, but asks in faith, expressing a belief that God both can and will do it. Tell me, do you think God is able to turn your heart to Himself?"

Clayton: "Yes, I do."

Minister: "And do you believe He is willing?"

No answer.

"Why should you doubt it? He has told you so; He has shown it by sparing you to the present time; He has given you many examples of it. Think of the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). It was meant to show God's willingness to receive the returning sinner. Remember how, 'when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him' — and would hardly let him acknowledge his fault, so ready was he to forgive. If such is the way in which God receives the returning sinner — can you think He will refuse to help him to return? And think besides of that verse in the Romans — there is a world of argument in it, 'He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?' (Romans 8:32). He who gave His Son — will He withhold His grace? Then why not pray, 'Restore me,' believing that He both can and will? Don't argue about it, but just take God at His word. Pray upon His promise, upon His power, upon His love.

"Don't you remember the case of the man with the withered hand? It was crippled, so that he could not use it, but Jesus said to him, "'Stretch out your hand.' And he stretched it out, and it was restored as whole as the other." How could that be? Doubtless because, in the very act of trying to obey, he received power to obey. What if he had said, 'I can't; it's of no use trying'? Ah, Clayton — your heart is like his hand, and the power that healed the one, can change the other. He who said 'Stretch out your hand,' says to you, 'Believe, pray, turn.' Only do as the man with the withered hand did — try, in simple dependence on Him who commands, and God will give you power.

"There is one more piece of advice I will give you: don't have a 'but' ready for all occasions. You have a deadly enemy who will do all he can to keep you from God, and if he can but make you argue and dispute instead of praying — his end is gained. Your favorite answer, 'I can't make myself different,' though in one sense true, is of his framing; just as, when he dared to tempt our Lord Himself, he did it with words of Scripture.

"I hope you will not forget our conversation. This is no speculative subject, but a matter of life and death. Pray for a change of heart. If you cannot pray — then ask that the Spirit may help your infirmity. If you feel little desire even, ask for more. You may be all that you say, indifferent and unconcerned, with no taste for spiritual things and no heart for prayer — you then, of all others, should pray because you need so much. If no other prayer comes to your mind, at least you can say, 'Lord, teach me to pray — help my infirmity; make me in earnest.'

"I hope the hand of God was in it, that, when I came here today on business, we were led into this conversation. If ever you want such help as I can give — come to me without hesitation, and we will talk over these things again, and search the Scriptures together. It is my heart's desire for you, that you may be really concerned for your soul, and be led to flee to Christ as one in earnest for salvation. Before I go, let us kneel down and pray."

They did so, and when they rose from their knees Clayton's face wore a serious and softened expression, and he thanked the minister for his visit — and so they parted.