A Brotherly Admonition
Ezekiel Hopkins, 1633-1690
Leviticus 19:17, "You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him."
WAVING all Prefaces and Introductions, we may observe in these words Three parts.First. A Negative Command: You shall not hate your brother in your heart: which implies in it the contrary positive precept, You shall love your brother.
Secondly. A Direction how we should preserve ourselves from this rancored vice of hatred; and express our more cordial love, in the best service we can do for him: You shall in any wise rebuke your neighbor.
Thirdly. A forcible Motive, to excite us unto the performance of this duty, drawn from the consideration of the great benefit, which will, in likelihood, redound to him by the conscientious discharge of it. By this means you will not suffer sin to lie upon him: implying, that, if this charitable Duty of Fraternal Reproof be neglected, he will still continue in his sins, his guilt will remain upon him, and you will be accessory to it.
I shall not consider any of these particulars by themselves, but treat only of what is here chiefly intended, namely, the necessity of that much neglected duty of Brotherly Reproof and Admonition.
And here I shall prosecute this method, with all possible brevity and perspicuity: and shall show you
What Brotherly Correction is.
The Difficulty of it.
The Necessity of it.
Some Rules and Directions, how it ought to be performed.
Some Considerations, which may be powerful Motives and Engagements to it.
I. WHAT BROTHERLY REPROOF OR CORREPTION IS.
To this I answer, in brief: It is an act of love and charity, whereby we endeavor to reduce our offending brother to repentance and reformation.
And
i. There are Two ways of doing it: either by WORDS or ACTIONS.
1. By words.
Remonstrating to them the greatness of their sin; the scandal which they give to others, either by encouraging or saddening them; the reproach which they bring upon religion; and the danger which they bring upon their own souls. But, if they be deaf to all these admonitions, and continue obstinate and resolved in their evil courses, we are then to reprove them,
2. By actions.
That where words have proved ineffectual, we may try how deeds can prevail. Prevail, I say, either to deliver them; or, at least, to deliver your own soul from death.
And this also must be done these Two ways.
(1) If they be our Inferiors, over whom we have authority; either as magistrates, or parents, or the like; we ought, when admonition and correption is fruitless, to reprove them by Correction and Punishment. If they will not hear, they must feel rebuke.
This discipline, if it be seasonably and prudently used, is so far from being any act of cruelty, that it is an act of the greatest kindness and charity that can be, both to them and to others. To them: as it may restrain them from the commission of those future crimes, to which their impunity would else embolden them; and, thus, to fall into the hands of men, may be a means to keep them from falling into the hands of God. To others: as it may terrify them from following the examples of such an one's vices, by seeing the examples of his suffering: thus the punishment of some is made to become the innocence of others.
(2) If they be our Equals, over whom we have no jurisdiction nor coercive power, we are then to rebuke them, if they continue obstinate after Christian Admonition, by withdrawing ourselves from all necessary converse with them: not so as to deny them the offices of civility, courtesy, and our charitable assistance to promote their temporal good; but to break off all familiarity and intimacy with them; not to make such lewd and dissolute persons our friends and chosen companions.
Thus the Apostle charges us, 2 Thessalonians 3:6: We command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother that walks disorderly, and not after the tradition which you received of us. And this way of reproving them ought to be so managed by us, that it may appear that it does not proceed from any sour, morose, surly humor; disdaining or hating of their persons: but merely from conscience of our duty towards the glory of God; and to do an act of love and charity, as indeed it is, both towards them, and towards ourselves.
[1] Towards them.
When you thus endeavor to shame them out of their wickedness, by discountenancing them in it. So says the Apostle, 2 Thessalonians 3:14. If any man obey not our word … note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. And, indeed, if a man be not altogether profligate, if he be not utterly lost to modesty, it must needs make him reflect upon himself with shame and blushing, that certainly he is grown a strange vile wretch, a loathsome and odious monster, when all good and sober men do thus carefully shun and avoid him. Now shame is a good step to amendment; and a blush the first color, that virtue takes.
[2] Towards yourselves.
You are obliged to abandon them, as to reclaim them, so to secure yourselves: for vice is very contagious; and it is unsafe to converse with those, who have such plague-sores running upon them, lest you be also infected.
Thus you see what this duty of Brotherly Reproof is; and how, in the general, it is to be performed, either in words or actions.
ii. And, to these, TWO THINGS ARE NECESSARILY PREVIOUS AND ANTECEDENT:
1. Instruction and Conviction.
We ought to bring them to see their fault, before we rebuke them for it; otherwise, while we chide and do not inform them, it will rather seem a proud design of quarreling with them, than a conscientious design of bettering them. And therefore we find how artificially Nathan insinuates into David the heinousness and inhumanity of his sin, and works in him a hatred and detestation of that person who was so cruel and devoid of compassion, before he comes to deal downright with him, You are the man. And could we but skillfully convince our brother, by thus representing the odiousness of such and such sins, to which we know he is addicted, possibly we might spare ourselves in that, which is the most ungrateful and displeasing part of this work, I mean personal reflection; and leave it to his own conscience to reprove himself, and to apply it home, with, You are the man.
And,
2. It is necessary that we watch over our brother, not so as to be insidious spies upon him; officiously to pry into his actions, and busily to concern ourselves in all he does.
This pragmatical temper is justly hateful: and those, who thus arrogate to themselves to be public censors, and to inspect the lives and manners of others, making it their whole employment to observe what others say or do, that they may have matter either to reprove or reproach them, are a company of intolerable busy-bodies.
But, yet,
(1) We ought so to watch over our brother as to give him timely caution, if we see him in any danger through temptation or passion; and to admonish him to stand upon his guard, to recollect himself and beware he be not surprised or injured by such an approaching sin.
And
(2) If we have observed any miscarriages in him, we are to watch the best seasons and all the fittest circumstances, in which to remind him of it; that so our reproof may be well accepted, and become effectual.
For he, who will venture rashly to reprove without this circumspection, may do more mischief to his brother by rebuking him, than he had done to himself by offending: exasperating and embittering his heart against piety, for the impertinences, at least the indiscretions, of those who profess it; and provoking him to sin the more, out of mere opposition and contradiction. And I am truly persuaded, and have in some cases observed it, that very many sins owe themselves to the imprudence of those, who have taken upon themselves to be reprovers; and would never have been committed, if they had not indiscreetly gain-sayed it.
Thus we see what this duty of reproving is, and what is necessarily required thereunto.
II. But, indeed, which is the Second thing, it is not so hard a matter to know what it is, as it is DIFFICULT conscientiously and faithfully to practice it.
How few are there in the world, I will not say skillful enough to do it well, but zealous and conscientious enough to do it at all! Do we not every day see God fearfully dishonored, observe his name blasphemed, his laws violated, his worship denied? do you not daily see multitudes of wretched creatures, whose crimes not only defy and outrage God, but stab and murder their own souls? and, yet, who is there, that has such zeal for God or such charity for his brother, as to interpose; and, by a serious and fitting reproof, vindicate the one from dishonor, or rescue the other from perdition? There are enow, who will make up a sad mouth, and whisper those things abroad, it may be out of very ill ends and designs; but where almost is the person, that will dare to maintain the honor of God to the face of those, who boldly affront him? that will dare to open their mouths before those, who will dare to open them against Heaven? Certainly, we can easily produce much more reason for our reproofs, than they can for their wickedness; and it were very strange, if we should not be able to beat them off from their confidence, when we have God and our own consciences, nay and theirs also, to side with us. Yet, so it is, that we are generally apt to sneak and slink away from so troublesome a task; and to let iniquity pass uncontrolled, yes triumphant. We are well content to let others sin quietly, so that we may live quietly without troubling ourselves with so hard and difficult a service.
And that, which makes it seem so difficult, is,
A Sinful Fear; and,
A Sinful Shame, that seizes on the spirits of men, and takes off the edge of holy courage and confidence, which are so absolutely necessary to the performing of this duty.
i. Many are AFRAID to reprove sin, lest they should incur displeasure, weaken their secular interest, ruin their dependencies, and bring some mischief upon themselves, by exasperating the offenders against them.
But these are poor, low, carnal considerations. Where matter of duty is in question, it is very necessary for every Christian to be of an undaunted courage and resolution; not to fear the faces of men, nor to be frighted with a grim look or a proud huff. If he will seriously perform this duty, he must remember, that he is pleading for God, that he is saving a soul from Hell: and therefore ought not to value their anger, nor his own damage; but to steel himself against all such mean and sordid considerations. Indeed it shows a most pitiful spirit in us, that we should be more afraid of offending them, than they are of offending God: shall they be bold to sin, and we not bold enough to tell them of it? And yet, such is the cowardice of the generality of Christians, that they dare not appear for God, or for piety and holiness, when they see them wronged by the impudence of boisterous sinners: but those pitiful, little, base carnal respects, of what they may lose or what they may suffer by it, intervene; and make them sit mopish and over-awed, like men in whose mouths are no reproofs: Psalm 38:14 while these wicked wretches, who have all the reason in the world to be timorous and fearful, glory in thus outbraving and baffling them.
ii. Others, again, are ASHAMED to reprove sin.
And, whereas many vile and profligate wretches glory in their shame, these, on the contrary, are ashamed of that, which would be their glory. Either they doubt they shall be thought but troublesome and hypocritical intermeddlers: or else, possibly, being conscious to themselves of many miscarriages, they suspect their reproofs will be upbraidingly retorted upon themselves; and so, by reproving the faults of others, they shall but give an occasion to have their own ripped up and exposed: and so they think it the safer way to say nothing, lest, by raking into other men's dunghills, they should but furnish them with dirt enough to fling back in their own faces. And thus, between these two carnal principles of Sinful Fear and Sinful Shame, which are so deeply rooted in our corrupt natures, Reproof is commonly neglected; and it is one of the hardest things in the world, to persuade men to be true to God, to their own souls, and to the souls of their brethren, in a faithful discharge of that duty, which is usually attended with such disadvantages and difficulties.
But, though it be thus difficult, yet,
III. It is a most NECESSARY duty.
The greatest good you can do in the world, is, to pluck up these briars and thorns with which it is overgrown. Consider but how insolent vice and wickedness is apt to be, where none do appear to check and control it: if it can but once silence virtue, it will quickly banish it: if it can but put it to the blush, it will quickly put it to flight. And when it has once made us either afraid or ashamed to lay a rebuke in its way, what else can we expect, but that it should overspread the face of the whole earth; and, like a general deluge, drown all mankind, first in sin, and then in perdition? There is no other way to prevent this great and sad ruin, but for every Christian vigorously to oppose himself to the growing sins of the times and places in which he lives; and, with courage and resolution, to decry that common profaneness, which gains credit only by our silence. We know that sin is a shameful, opprobrious thing, in itself; a thing, that disheartens and dispirits the guilty: they wear a conscience about them, which is still checking and upbraiding them; and, if we could but look into their souls, we should see them covered all over with fear, horror, and confusion: they are generally self-condemned persons; and carry those monitors within their own breasts, which are continually reproving and tormenting them: and, therefore, that they may not hear the voice of their own consciences, they live abroad; and rather converse with any one without doors, than with themselves and their own troublesome and clamorous hearts. Now let it be our care to stop up all passages, by which they think to make their escape: let them find, that, in whatever company they go, they shall meet with those, who will no more spare them, than their own consciences; that company is no sanctuary for sins and guilt; and that they shall be as sure to be reproved, as they dare to offend: and when they are thus everywhere beset; their consciences exclaiming against them within, and all whom they converse with without; they will see a necessity for it, either to forsake their vices or the world, and be forced to be virtuous for their own ease and quiet. And, certainly, until Christians do Conspire together in this design, we may long enough complain of the abounding of iniquity, without any successful reformation: abound it will, and grow impudent and imperious, unless we join together to beat down its credit; to expose it to scorn and contempt; and to make that, which is so really shameful in itself, to be the greatest mark of infamy, shame, and reproach to any who shall dare to commit it.
But this duty of reproving, requires not only a great deal of Christian fortitude and courage; but also a great measure of Christian prudence and discretion. We must not only be resolute and confident in doing it; but we must do it, likewise, in such a fitting way, as may be most likely to work a good effect upon those, whom we are to reprove.
And, therefore,
IV. I shall give you some brief RULES and DIRECTIONS, when you ought to reprove, and how you ought to manage your reproofs, so as they may be most beneficial to your brother.
And some of them shall be Negatives, and others shall be Positives.
i. For the NEGATIVE RULES, take these that follow.
1. I ought not to reprove my brother, if I have no certain knowledge of his offence.
And therefore those, who, upon a blind rumor or groundless suspicion, hastily conclude him guilty, and so fill their mouths with reproofs, show themselves to be very much in love with this office; and are a company of impertinent busy-bodies, who start their arrow before ever they see the mark. We must first be certainly informed, either upon our personal knowledge or upon the undoubted testimonies of credible witnesses, that he is guilty; otherwise, in going about to show him his fault, we shall but show our own folly and credulity: bur reproofs will be but slanders; and our charity, in offering the cure, will not be half so great, as our uncharitableness, in believing the disease.
2. It is not necessary for me to reprove, where I have reason to conclude that others, of more prudence and interest in the party, either have already or else will more effectually perform it.
For, otherwise, it will appear, that we do not so much seek his emendation, as to be ostentations of our own zeal and forwardness: and, besides, too many reprovers may, instead of reforming, rather irritate and provoke. Only, here, beware you do not retract this ungrateful office, upon slight pretenses; nor think yourself excused, because others are bound to do it: but consider seriously in your own conscience, whether you think they will be faithful enough in performing it, or more dexterous than you are in managing it; or that their reproof will be more acceptable and more prevalent with your brother than your. If not, you are still obliged to it: and if you refuse, know, that though he may die in his sins, yet his blood God will require at your hands.
3. We ought not to give sharp reproofs for small offences.
We must not particularly, and with accent and emphasis, reprove our brother for every involuntary slip, every infirmity and weakness, that betrays itself through some sudden passion or temptation: unless it be a sin of custom; or that, which carries with it some signal aggravation, that renders it considerable, as well in the scandal as in the guilt. It will be sufficient to pass by the rest, only with a brief animadversion upon them, enough to put him in mind that he forgot himself in such and such passages; and so leave the farther reproof to his own conscience, which will better do it for lesser sins, than possibly we can. To reprove small faults with great vehemence, is always as ridiculous, and may sometimes prove as destructive a piece of officiousness, as his, who took up a huge beetle, and struck with all his might, only to kill a fly which he saw sticking upon his friend's forehead. We must not thrust the probe deep, where the wound is but shallow: nor be passionately concerned at our brother's lighter failings: but so govern ourselves, as still to reserve the more sharp and severe reproofs for the more foul and scandalous offences: for they, who will presently, upon every slender occasion, fly out into exclamations, detestations, and all passionate exaggerations of rhetoric, will but lavishly spend the vigor of their zeal, and leave themselves no are, no methods to express their greater abhorrence for blacker crimes.
4. We are not to reprove those, whom we have reason to believe are such desperate wretches, that our reproofs would but exasperate them to sin the more for a reproof.
To these, such would be no acts of love and charity; but rather a design to destroy their souls, and to heap more and heavy loads of wrath and vengeance upon their heads. Certainly, if we have any sense of God's glory, any tenderness and compassion for our brother's soul, we ought to beware that we do not enrage him the more, to dishonor the one, or to wound the other, by the mistaken charity of our reproofs. And therefore, Augustine speaks well, (De Civitate Dei, lib. i. cap. 9.) Si propterea corripiendis malè agentibus parcit, quia opportunum tempus requirit, vel iisdem ipsis metuit ne deteriores ex hoc efficiantur, videtur esse concilium Charitatis: "It is Charity, not to reprove those, who we believe will be the worse for our reproofs." Alas! how many are there in the world, who, when they are reproved (and that very justly) for their sins, presently fall a blaspheming and cursing, railing at piety, and all who profess it, violate the good name of their reprovers, and can hardly abstain from offering violence to their persons! now such as these are past reproof, when once they turn reproof itself into an occasion of further sinning: the greatest exercise of charity to these, is, to let them alone; and not to increase their damnation, by stirring up the virulency and rancor of their spirits. Reproof is spiritual physic for the soul: now, as it is an imprudent course to administer such physic to the body, as will irritate, and not expel the peccant humours; so, likewise, it is very imprudent and unsafe, to administer such reproofs as we know cannot cure the offender, but will only irritate his corruption, and render it the more turbulent, and him much worse than he was before. And, therefore, some are themselves to be reproved, who, with an imprudent zeal, reprove others, without ever considering what effects their reproofs are likely to produce; who, as soon as a sin is committed, think themselves obliged in conscience, instantly to rebuke them for it, although not only they themselves may be reviled, but the name of God most horribly blasphemed upon this very occasion. It is indeed good, to be zealously affected always in a good matter: Galatians 4:18 but yet withal know, that, as zeal and charity ought to be the motive, so Christian prudence ought to be the measure of all our reproofs: and, if you take not the advice of discretion, your zeal for God's glory may but occasion his dishonor; and your charity to the souls of others, occasion their sorer ruin and damnation. Certainly, we are not obliged to reprove, where we have reason to suspect we shall rather do hurt than good: it would be but a cruel charity, to poison our brother in his physic, and to kill him in his cure. And, therefore, both Solomon, and a greater than Solomon, our Savior Christ himself, have forbidden us to misplace reproofs upon those, who are desperate. Solomon tells us, Proverbs 9:7, 8. He, that reproves a scorner, gets to himself shame; and he, that rebukes a wicked man, gets unto himself a blot: and, again, Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate you. And, says our Savior, Matthew 7:6. Give not that which is holy unto the dogs; neither cast you your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you: where it is very plain from the precedent verses, that he dehorts us from lavishing out our reproofs imprudently upon dogs and swine, wicked and impure persons, on whom we have reason to think they will have no effect, but only to enrage them, and make them fly out both against God and us with the more violence and madness. To reprove such, is but to cast up water against a high wind, that will be sure to beat it back again into our own faces.
And thus I have given you the Negative Rules, in these Four particulars. Reprove not without a certain knowledge of the offence: nor where others, who are likely to be more effectual, have done it already: nor for every involuntary slip; nor those, who are like to be the worse for it.
ii. Let us now proceed to lay down some POSITIVE RULES and DIRECTIONS, for the right managing of our reproofs.
And, here,
1. If you would reprove with success, observe right circumstances of time and place.
And let the one be as opportune, and the other as private, as you can. We ought to observe the mollia tempora fandi, "The soft and easy hours of speaking." And therefore the Wise Man tells us, Proverbs 15:23. A word spoken in due season, how good is it! It is like apples of gold in pictures of silver: that is, very beautiful and pleasing. There are some happy seasons, wherein the most rugged natures are accessible; and it is a great part of prudence in all our concerns, if we would have them prosperous, to watch such opportunities, and to improve them.
Now, usually, it is no fit season for reproof,
(1) Presently, as soon as the sin is committed.
For then the heat is not over, nor the uproar of the passions and affections appeased. In all likelihood, a reproof as yet would but irritate. As water, falling upon a red hot iron, does but cause a great deal of noise and disturbance; so a reproof, just upon the very act of a sin, does but make the sinner fume, fret, and tumult the more.
Nor, yet,
(2) Is a time of mirth and joy fit for reproof.
For that will look like a piece of envy: as if we were malicious at their prosperity; and therefore studied to cast in somewhat, that might disturb them: and so they will be apt to interpret it.
Nor,
(3) Is a time of exceeding great sadness and sorrow a proper season for reproof.
For this will look like hostility and hatred; as if we designed utterly to overwhelm and dispatch them.
But the fittest opportunity for this duty, is when they are most calm and sedate, their passions hushed, and their reason (with which you are to deal) again re-seated upon its throne. When they are free from all inward perturbations of mind, and from all considerable alterations in their outward estate and condition; then, if ever, they will listen to reproof, and take right measures of the sin for which you reprove them. But, if we reprove them when their passions are in a tumult, and all within in an uproar and combustion, it is no wonder at all if either they reject or revile our reproofs: for we then accuse them before very corrupt judges, namely, their own passions and corrupt affections; and you may, with as much reason and as good success, chide the sea for being tempestuous, when the winds rage and are let loose upon it. Chide a man for being angry when he is angry, and what will you get by it, but only some of his form cast upon you? Let God himself expostulate with an impatient Jonah, while he is in his fit of impatience: Do you well to be angry? Jonah 4:9, and he will tell him snappishly to his face, that he does well to be angry, even unto the very death. There is no dealing with men while their passions blind their reason: this makes them as utterly incapable of taking good counsel, as if they were brute beasts. You were as good thrust your hand into a wasps' nest, as come with reproofs and rebukes when the swarm is up: to be sure you shall only go away with many a sting and wound; and you may thank yourself, for no better timing your reproofs. Indeed, in cases of great importance and absolute necessity, we may run this venture, and possibly succeed well in it: thus Joab very sharply reproved David, when he so immoderately mourned for Absalom: 2 Samuel 19:5, 6, 7 and I think it is one of the roundest checks, that ever a dutiful subject gave to his prince; but, if he had not taken that very time, the case had been desperate, and his people had all forsaken him, and therefore the necessity of affairs would not permit him to expect a more seasonable address. Otherwise, generally, it is more advisable to wait a fitting and cool time. As God is said to come down in the cool of the day to reprove Adam; so, likewise, should we come in the cool season of a man's passions, when all is quiet and temperate within, for then is there the greatest probability of success.
2. If you would have your reproofs successful, reprove with all gentleness and meekness, without giving any railing or reviling terms.
He, who mingles reproach with reproof, engages a man's reputation to side with his vices: for while we show any bitterness in our reproofs, and give them in vilifying and ignominious language, the vehicle will hinder the operation of the physic: for they will look like the upbraidings of an enemy; and it is a thing most abhorrent unto nature, to follow the counsels and advice of an enemy. And therefore the Apostle charges us, Galatians 6:1. Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you, which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering yourself, lest you be also tempted: which last clause intimates to us, that we ought to deal as tenderly with a fallen brother, as we would desire to be dealt with ourselves, were we in the same condition: for, having the same corrupt nature, and being subject to the like temptations, we may likewise, through God's dereliction of us, fall into the same miscarriages. Now would you take it well, if any should revile and reprove you, condemn you for a rotten hypocrite, as Job's friends did him; or draw hideous black consequences from every failing and weakness of your? certainly, you would not interpret this to be friendly and candid dealing; no more do you with others. It is a true saying, that he, who would know his own faults, had need have either a faithful friend, or a bitter enemy: they will both be sure to do it to the full: but then the difference is, that an enemy's reproofs are usually joined with reproaches, and when we are fallen he will stand and insult over us; but a true Christian friend will faithfully represent our condition to us, pity us in it, and endeavor to help and raise us out of it. And such should we be to all: not railing on them for hypocrites, or lost and desperate apostates; for this, certainly, is not the way to reduce them, but rather to confirm and harden them in their sins: we should not gripe nor press their wounds; but rather gently anoint and chafe them: our reproofs should be as oil, smooth and lenitive, to soke into and supple the part affected: and therefore the Apostle again exhorts us, in meekness to instruct those, that oppose themselves: 2 Timothy 2:25. But, while we exclaim against them with bitter invectives, and dip all our reproofs in gall and satire, we may quickly make them loath the medicine, rather than the disease; and sooner break their heads with such rebukes, than their hearts for their offences.
3. Though our reproofs must be meek and gentle; yet must they be quick and vivacious also.
For, as charity requires the one, so does zeal the other: and the best and most equal temper, is, rightly to mix these two; that, at once, we may show meekness to his person, (for the wrath of man works not the righteousness of God: James 1:20.) and sharpness against his sin, (for a remiss reprover will make but a slow penitent.) We ought so to reprove, that he may not think we only jest and dally with him: and, for this, it is necessary that we do it with all seriousness, gravity, and authority; not playing about the wound, but searching into the very depth and bottom of it: and therefore we must use such words, as are most significant of our meaning, most expressive of our grief and sorrow for him; and which we think most apt to expose the vice that we reprove, and make it most odious and hateful, keeping still within the bounds of a sober and friendly redargution. Hence the Apostle gives Titus this advice, Rebuke them sharply; that they may be sound in the faith: Titus 1:13: if they want salt and vinegar, spare them not: this, possibly, may cleanse those wounds, which else would fester and putrefy. But here is required much spiritual prudence, to know how to suit reproof, according to the different conditions and tempers of the persons with whom you deal: some must be lanced and searched to the very quick, before they can be healed: others require a gentle hand: if they be proud and stubborn, they need corrosives; but, for those who are naturally meek and mild, a meek and mild course will be easiest and most effectual. The tempers and cases of particular Christians are so various, that there can be no rules given which may be applicable to every condition: this must, of necessity, be left to your prudence and discretion. Only this rule is infallible: Be sure you flatter none in their vices. Extenuate not their sins: when you come to reprove them, do it not in sport: let them see you are in very good earnest; and tell them their sin, as it is in itself, without mincing the matter or the circumstances of it: for men are always apt to impute somewhat of the reproof to the severity of him that gives it, rather than to the demerits of their own offences; and, therefore, if you yourself shall speak but slightly of their sins, they will be ready to conclude that they were none, or at least so small that it was nothing but officiousness and the love of censuring which made you take notice of them.
4. Let all your reproofs be given as secretly and privately as possibly you can; otherwise, you will seem not so much to aim at your brother's reformation, as at his shame and confusion.
For if (as the Wise Man tells us, Proverbs 27:14.) a loud and clamorous blessing given too officiously, is so far from being a blessing, that it is but a curse and a shame to a man's friend: certainly, then, a public clamorous reproof must only tend to the shame and reproach of those, who receive it. Indeed, there are some, who offend openly before many: these, if there be no fear of irritating them to do worse, we ought openly to rebuke; and to give them their reproof, in the company, where they have given the offence: so says the Apostle, 1 Timothy 5:20. Them, that sin, rebuke before all; that is, supposing that their sins be open and public. But, for others, whose sins and miscarriages have been private, and only known to ourselves and a few others, we ought to reprove them in secret; and to be tender not only of their souls, but of their reputation also: so is the counsel of our Savior, Matthew 18:15. If your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
And, indeed, this is a necessary piece of prudence; not only to preserve his reputation and good name as much as may be, but also,
(1) To preserve the reputation of religion itself, which a more public divulging of his offences might much impair and discredit. And,
(2) To hinder the spreading of an evil example, which also perhaps some or other would make use of, to encourage themselves in the like transgressions. And,
(3) To preserve him serviceable for the future.
For, by reporting his miscarriages, you lessenest his credit, and thereby render him less capable of doing good than he was before. For, though he may recover himself out of the snare of the Devil, and his wound be healed; yet, if his faults have been made public, the scar will still remain: and this will be such a blemish to him, that, having lost much of his repute among men, he will likewise lose much of those advantages which he formerly had of doing good in the world; and you, by your imprudent reproofs, be the cause of it. Upon all these accounts, it is necessary that your reproofs be managed with the greatest secrecy and privacy that may be: for, as Augustine speaks well, if while you alone know your brother to have offended, and yet will rebuke him before all, Non es corrector, sed prodilor: "You are not a reprover, but a betrayer."
5. Reprove not one, who is greatly your superior, unless it be at a respectful distance.
Toward such, we must not use downright and blunt rebukes; but rather insinuate things into them, with address and artifice. What says Elihu, Job 34:18? Is it fit to say to a king, You are wicked? and to princes, You are ungodly? And, indeed, in this case, usually, it is most fit and decent that your reproofs should not carry their own shape and form; but disguise them rather into parables or entreaties, or into any such humble and becoming method; yet, withal, let much appear, as that they may well enough know your drift and intent. For it becomes the wisdom and station of inferiors, so to order their speech, that, if it can but be interpreted as a reproof, their superiors may and will certainly know they meant it for such. Thus the Apostle bids us, 1 Timothy 5:1. Rebuke not an elder, but rather entreat him as a father: for, because their place and calling required respect and reverence, therefore the Apostle would not have them bluntly rebuked; but that the reproof should be clad in another dress, that they might appear to be rather entreaties than rebukes. We may observe, likewise, that, when Nathan was sent immediately by God to reprove King David, he does not attack him directly, and fall rudely upon him for his adultery and murder; but clothes his speech in a parable: and, when he had so represented the heinousness of his sin, so as by that means to make him first reprove and condemn himself, then he tells him, You are the man.
6. If you would have your reproofs effectual, especially beware that you yourself are not guilty of those sins, which you reprovest in another.
It were, indeed, a temper to be wished and prayed for, that we could only respect how righteous the reproof were, and not how righteous the person is who gives it: for there is no more reason to reject sound admonition, because it comes from an unsound heart, than there is to stop our ears against good counsel, because it is delivered perhaps by an unsavory breath. Yet, so it is, that, when men of defiled consciences and conversations reprove others, they are apt to justify themselves by recriminating; or, else, to think they do but sport and jest with them; or, thirdly, to hate them for gross hypocrites and dissemblers; or, lastly, to think they do but envy them their sins, and that they would engross all to themselves. It was a true observation of Pliny, in his Epistles, Lib. viii. Epist. 22 that there are some, Qui sic aliorum vitüs irascuntur, quasi invideant: "Who are so angry at other men's vices, as if they envied them:" it cannot be hoped that the reproof of such should ever take place. But, when a man of a clear and unspotted name shall reprove the sins and vices of others, his rebukes carry authority with them: and, if they cannot reform, yet at least must they needs daunt and silence the offenders, that they shall have nothing to reply, no subterfuges nor evasions; but they must needs be convinced, that their sins are as evil as he represents them, by his own care and caution to avoid them.
V. The only thing that remains, is, to propound to you some MOTIVES, which may quicken you to the conscientious discharge of this much neglected duty.
And I shall but name some few; and leave them to your consideration, to be farther pressed upon you.
And, here, next to the express command of Almighty God, whose authority alone ought to prevail against all the difficulties, which we either find or fancy in the way of obedience thereunto:
Consider,
i. The GREAT BENEFIT, WHICH MAY REDOUND, BOTH TO THE REPROVER AND REPROVED.
1. To the Reprover.
(1) You shall hereby provide yourself a friend, who may take the same liberty to reprove you, when it shall be needful, and for your great good.
And it may very well be thought, that the Apostle, upon this account, requires us to restore our fallen brother, with meek reproofs, considering ourselves, lest we also be tempted: Galatians 6:1 that is, that hereby we may purchase a true friend, who will be as faithful to us, as we have been to him. However, certainly it is the best and most generous way of procuring to ourselves true love and respect, from those, whom we have thus reformed. So, says Solomon, Proverbs 9:8. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you: and, in another place, says he, He, that rebukes a man, afterwards shall find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue: Proverbs 28:23.
(2) You will hereby entitle yourself to that great and precious promise, Daniel 12:3 that They, that be wise, shall shine as the brightness of the firmament: and they, that turn many to righteousness, as the stars forever and ever: and to that other, of the Wise Man, Proverbs 24:25. To them, that rebuke the wicked, shall be delight; and a good blessing shall come upon them.
(3) You shall increase your own graces and comforts, more than possibly you could do by separating yourself from them.
Your graces will be more confirmed, because reproving of others will engage you to a greater watchfulness over yourself. Your comforts also will be increased, because a conscientious discharge of this duty will be to you a great evidence of the integrity and sincerity of your heart.
2. The practice of this duty will be greatly profitable unto him, that is reproved.
How know you but it may be a means to turn him from his iniquity? and so you shall prevent a multitude of sins, and save a soul from death: James 5:20. And hereby, likewise, we shall frustrate one of the great designs and artifices of the Devil; which is, to allure men to sin by the examples of those wickednesses, that pass unchecked and uncontroled in the world.
ii. Consider, THAT WE OURSELVES ALSO WERE DISOBEDIENT AND FOOLISH, SERVING DIVERS LUSTS AND PLEASURES: Titus 3:3 but were wrought upon, either by public or private reproof.
And why then should not we use the same charity towards others, which God has been pleased to make effectual towards us?
iii. Consider, that the text makes it AN APPARENT SIGN OF HATING OUR BROTHER, IF WE FORBEAR JUSTLY TO REPROVE HIM. You shall not hate your brother in your heart: you shall in any wise reprove him.
So that he, who reproves not his brother, hates him. Now he, that hates his brother is a murderer, says John: 1 John 3:15 and no murderer has eternal life. Yes, we are guilty of soul-murder, which is so much the more heinous, by how much the soul is more precious than the body.
iv. Consider, that the performance of this duty, were it more universal, WOULD BE THE APTEST AND READIEST MEANS TO PREVENT SCHISM AND DIVISION.
The grand pretense for separation, is the wickedness of many who are Church-Members. Now our Savior's method is, that such should be first reproved and admonished, before they be cast out: but it is a most preposterous and headlong course, which thousands in our days take, who cast themselves out of the communion of the Church, for the sins of those, who deserve to be cast out; and, rather than they will perform this ungrateful work of reproof, choose to separate: whereas, if they would make use of our Savior Christ's advice, Matthew 18:15, 16. to reprove privately, and in case of obstinacy to convict publicly, there would be, as no need, so no pretense left for separation; but either their private reproofs would prevail to reform, or their public complaints and accusations to remove offenders.
v. Consider, that THE NEGLECT OF THIS DUTY BRINGS THE SIN AND GUILT OF OTHERS UPON YOUR OWN SOULS.
See, for this, that Scripture, Ephesians 5:11. Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. If we reprove them not, we are partakers of their evil deeds, and deserve to be partakers of their torments.