The
Christian Father's Present to His Children
by John Angell James, 1825
An Address to Christian Parents
My Dear Friends—
It is a situation of tremendous responsibility to be a parent—for the manner
in which you discharge the duties of this relation, you must give an account
in that dreadful day when the secrets of all hearts shall be judged by Jesus
Christ. With every babe that God entrusts to your care, he in effect sends
the solemn injunction—"Take this child, and bring it up for me"—and at the
final audit, will inquire in what manner you have obeyed the command. It
will not then be sufficient to plead the strength of your affection, nor the
ceaseless efforts to which it gave rise; for if these efforts were not
directed to a right end, if all your solicitude was lavished upon inferior
objects, you will receive the rebuke of Him that sits upon the throne.
It is of infinite importance that you should
contemplate your children in their
true character. They are animal
beings, and therefore it is highly proper that you should use every effort
to provide them with suitable food, clothing, habitations—and everything
else that can conduce to the comfort of their present existence. They are
social beings, and it is important that you should qualify them to enjoy
the comforts, and discharge the duties of social life. They are rational
beings, and it is your duty to furnish them with every possible advantage
for the culture of their minds.
But if you look no further than this, you leave out of
sight the grandest and most important relations in which they can be seen,
and will of course neglect the most important of your duties towards
them—for they are IMMORTAL beings—the stamp of eternity is upon
them—everlasting ages are before them! They are like the rest of the human
race—depraved, guilty, and condemned creatures; and consequently in danger
of eternal misery. Yet are they, through the mercy of God, and the mediation
of Christ, creatures capable of attaining to glory, honor, immortality, and
eternal life. Looking upon them in this light (and this is the light in
which you profess to contemplate them)—what should be your chief concern
concerning them, and what your conduct towards them?
Recognizing in your children beings placed in this world
in a state of probation, and hastening to eternal happiness or torment,
will you be contented to seek for them anything short of eternal salvation?
Even a Deist, who has any belief of a future state of reward and punishment,
does not act consistently, unless he is supremely desirous of the
everlasting welfare of his children. None but an avowed Atheist can, with
the least propriety, fix his aim lower for his children than the possession
of a happy immortality.
But, in the case of a Christian parent, it is in the
highest degree inconsistent, absurd, cruel, and wicked ever to lose sight of
this in the arrangements which he makes for his family, or in the manner of
conducting himself towards them. Do you really believe in the ruin of
the human race by sin—and their recovery by Christ? In the existence
of such states as heaven and hell? In the necessity of a life
of faith and holiness—in order to escape the one and secure the other? Then
act up to these solemn convictions, not only in reference to your own
salvation—but to the salvation of your children. Let a supreme concern for
their immortal interests be at the bottom of all your conduct, and be
interwoven with all your parental habits. Let them have, in the fullest
sense of the term, a CHRISTIAN EDUCATION. Act so towards them and for them,
as that you shall be able to say to them, however they may turn out—"I take
you to record that I am clear of your blood."
But my principal object in this address is to point out
what appear to me to be the
most prevailing OBSTACLES to success in the religious education of children.
That, in many cases, the means employed by Christian
parents for their children's spiritual welfare are unsuccessful, is a
melancholy fact, established by abundant, and, I fear, accumulating
evidence. I am not now speaking of those families (and are there indeed
such?) where scarcely the semblance of domestic piety or instruction is to
be found, where no family altar is seen, no family prayer is heard, no
parental admonition is delivered! What! this cruel, wicked, ruinous neglect
of their children's immortal interests in the families of professors!
Monstrous inconsistency! shocking dereliction of principle! No wonder that
their children go astray! This is easily accounted for. Some of the most
profligate young people that I know, have issued from such households. Their
prejudices against true religion, and their enmity to its forms, are greater
than those of the children of avowed worldlings. Inconsistent, hypocritical,
negligent professors of religion, frequently excite in their sons and
daughters an unconquerable aversion and disgust against true piety, which
seems to produce in them a determination to place themselves at the furthest
possible remove from its influence.
But I am now speaking of the failure of a religious
education, where it has been, in some measure, carried on; instances of
which are by no means infrequent. Too often do we hear the echo of David's
sorrowful complaint, uttered by the distressed and disappointed Christian
father, "Although my house be not so with God." Too often do we see the
child of many prayers and many hopes forgetting the instructions he has
received, and running with the multitude to do evil. Far be it from me to
add affliction to affliction, by saying that this is to be traced, in every
case, to parental neglect. I would not thus, as it were, pour vinegar upon
the bleeding wounds with which filial impiety has lacerated many a father's
mind. I would not thus cause the wretched parent to exclaim—"Reproach has
broken my heart, already half-broken by my child's misconduct." I know that
in many cases no blame whatever could be thrown on the parent; and
that it was the depravity of the child alone, which nothing could subdue but
the power of the Holy Spirit, that led to the melancholy result. The best
possible scheme of Christian education, most judiciously directed, and most
perseveringly maintained, has, in some cases, totally failed. God is a
sovereign, and He has mercy on whom He will have mercy. Still, however,
there is in the 'use of means' a tendency in a religious education to secure
the desired result; and God usually does bless, with His saving influence,
such efforts. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old
he will not depart from it." This is certainly true, as a general rule,
though there are many exceptions to it.
I shall now lay before you the principal obstacles to the
success of religious education, as they strike my mind.
First—It is frequently too negligently and capriciously
maintained, even where it is not totally omitted.
It is obvious, that, if at all attended to, it should be
attended to with anxious EARNESTNESS, systematic ORDER, and perpetual
REGULARITY. It should not be maintained as a dull form, an unpleasant
drudgery—but as a matter of deep and delightful interest. The heart of the
parent should be entirely and obviously engaged. A part of every returning
Sabbath should be spent by him in the instruction of his filial charge; and
his concern should be embodied, more or less, with the whole habit of
parental conduct. The father may lead the usual devotions at the family
altar; the mother may join with him in teaching their children catechism,
hymns, and scripture; but, if this be unattended by serious admonition,
visible anxiety, and strenuous effort to lead their children to think
seriously on true religion, as a matter of infinite importance—little good
can be expected. A cold, formal, capricious system of religious
instruction, is rather likely to create prejudice against true religion—than
bias in its favor.
Then again, a religious education should be CONSISTENT—it
should extend to everything that is likely to assist in the formation of
character. It should not be merely instruction—but a complete whole. It
should select the schools, the companions, the amusements, the books of
youth; for if it does nothing more than merely teach a form of sound words
to the understanding and to the memory—while the impression of the heart and
the formation of the character are neglected—very little is to be expected
from such efforts. A handful of seed, scattered now and then upon the
ground, without order or perseverance, might as rationally be expected to
produce a good crop—as that a mere lukewarm, capricious, religious
education, should be followed by true piety. If the parent be not visibly in
earnest, it cannot be expected that the child will be so.
True religion, by every Christian parent, is
theoretically acknowledged to be the most important thing in the world; but
if in practice the father appears a thousand times more anxious for the son
to be a good scholar than a real Christian, and the mother more solicitous
for the daughter to be a good dancer or musician than a child of God, they
may teach what they like in the way of good doctrine—but they are not to
look for genuine piety as the result. Genuine piety can only be expected
where it is really taught and inculcated, as the one thing needful.
Secondly—The relaxation of domestic discipline is another
obstacle in the way of a successful religious education.
A parent is invested by God with a degree of authority
over his children, which he cannot neglect to use, without being guilty of
trampling under foot the institutions of heaven. Every family is a
community, the government of which is strictly authoritarian—though not
tyrannical. Every father is a sovereign—though not an oppressor. He is a law
giver—and not merely a counselor. And his will should be law—not merely
advice. He is to command, to restrain, to punish—and children are required
to obey. He is, if necessary, to threaten, to rebuke, to chastise—and they
are to submit with reverence. He is to decide what books shall be read, what
companions invited, what engagements formed, and how time is to be spent. If
he sees anything wrong, he is not to interpose merely with the timid,
feeble, ineffectual protest of Eli—"Why do you thus, my sons?" but with the
firm though mild prohibition. He must rule his own house—and by the whole of
his conduct make his children feel that obedience is his due and his
demand.
The lack of discipline, wherever it exists—is
followed by confusion and domestic anarchy. Everything goes wrong in the
absence of this. A gardener may sow the choicest seeds; but if he neglects
to pluck up weeds, and prune wild overgrowth, he must not expect to see his
flowers grow, or his garden flourish. And so a parent may deliver the best
instructions; but if he does not, by discipline, eradicate evil tempers,
correct bad habits, repress wicked corruptions, nothing excellent can be
looked for. He may be a good prophet and a good priest; but if he be not
also a good KING—all else is vain! When once a man breaks his scepter—or
lends it to his children as a plaything—he may give up his hopes of success
from a religious education.
I have seen the evil resulting from a lack of
discipline in innumerable families, both among my brethren in the
ministry and others. Frightful instances of disorder and immorality are now
present to my mind, which I could almost wish to forget. The misfortune, in
many families is, that discipline is unsteady and capricious—sometimes
carried even to tyranny itself—at others relaxed into a total suspension of
law; so that the children are at one time trembling like slaves—at others
revolting like rebels; at one time groaning beneath an iron yoke—at others
rioting in a state of lawlessness. This is a most mischievous system, and
its effects are generally, just what might be expected.
In some cases discipline commences too late—in others it
ceases too early. A father's magisterial office is coexistent with his
parental relation. A child, as soon as he can reason, should be made to feel
that obedience is due to parents; for if he grows up to boyhood before he is
subject to the mild rule of paternal authority, he will, very probably, like
an untamed bullock, resist the yoke. On the other hand—as long as children
continue beneath the parental roof, they are to be subject to the rules of
domestic discipline. Many parents greatly err in abdicating the throne in
favor of a son or daughter, because the child is becoming a man or a woman.
It is truly pitiable to see a boy or girl of fifteen, just returned from
school, allowed to sow the seeds of revolt in the domestic community, and to
act in opposition to parental authority, until the too compliant father
gives the reins of government into the children's hands—or else by his
conduct declares his children to be in a state of independence.
There need not be any contest for power—for where
a child has been accustomed to obey, even from an infant, the yoke of
obedience will generally be light and easy. If not, and a rebellious temper
begins to show itself early, a judicious father should be on his guard, and
allow no encroachments on his authority; while, at the same time, the
increased power of his authority, like the increased pressure of the
atmosphere, should be felt without being seen—and this will make it
irresistible.
Thirdly—undue severity, in the other extreme, is as
injurious as unlimited indulgence.
If injudicious fondness has slain its tens of
thousands—unnecessary harshness has destroyed its thousands! By an authority
which cannot err, we are told that the cords of love are the bands of a man.
There is an irresistible power in love. The human mind is so constituted as
to yield readily to the influence of kindness. Men are more easily led to
their duty—than driven to it. A child, says an eastern proverb, may lead the
elephant by a single hair.
Love seems so essential an element of parental character
that there is something shockingly revolting—not only in a cruel—not only in
an unkind or severe—but even in a cold-hearted father. Study the parental
character as it is exhibited in that most exquisitely touching moral
picture—the parable of the Prodigal Son. When a father governs entirely by
cold, bare, harsh authority—by mere commands, prohibitions and threats—by
frowns, untempered with smiles; when the 'friend' is never blended with the
'law-giver', nor authority modified with love; when his conduct produces
only a servile fear in the hearts of his children, instead of a spontaneous
affection; when he is served from a dread of the effects of disobedience
rather than from a sense of the pleasure of obedience; when he is rather
dreaded in the family circle as a frowning spectre, than hailed as the
guardian angel of its joys; when even accidents raise a storm, or faults
produce a hurricane of passion in his bosom; when offenders are driven to
equivocation or lying, with the hope of averting by concealment those severe
corrections which disclosure always entails; when unnecessary interruptions
are made to innocent enjoyments; when, in fact, nothing of the 'father'—but
everything of the 'tyrant' is seen—can we expect true religion to grow in
such a soil as this? We may as rationally as we may look for the tenderest
hot-house plant to thrive amid the rigors of an arctic frost!
It is useless for such a father to teach true religion;
he chills the soul of his pupils; he hardens their hearts against
impression; he prepares them to rush with eager haste to their ruin as soon
as they have thrown off the yoke of his bondage; and to employ their
liberty, as affording the means of unbridled gratification. Like a company
of African slaves, they are at first tortured by their thraldom, and by that
very bondage, trained up to convert their sudden emancipation into a means
of destruction.
Let parents, then, in all their conduct, blend the
'law-giver' and the 'friend'—temper authority with kindness—and realize in
their measure that representation of Deity which Dr. Watts has given us,
where he says, "Sweet majesty and dreadful love—sit smiling on his brow."
In short, let them so act, that their children shall be
convinced that their law is holy, and their commandment is holy, and just,
and good—and that to be so governed is to be blessed.
Fourthly—The inconsistent conduct of parents themselves,
is a frequent and powerful obstacle to success in religious education.
Example has been affirmed to be omnipotent, and its
power, like that of gravitation, to be in proportion to the nearness of the
attracting body. What, then, must be the influence of parental example? Now,
as I am speaking of pious parents, it is of course assumed that they do
exhibit, in some measure, the reality of true religion; but may not the
reality often be seen, where much of the beauty of true godliness is
obscured, just as the sun is beheld when his effulgence is quenched in a
mist; or as a lovely prospect is seen through the haze, which veils the
beauty of the scene, though it does not altogether conceal its extent.
True religion may be seen in dim outline by the children,
in their parents' conduct—but it may be attended with so many minor
inconsistencies, such a mist of imperfections, that it presents little to
conciliate their regard, or raise their esteem. There is so much
worldly-mindedness, so much conformity to fashionable follies, so much
irregularity of domestic piety, such frequent sallies of unchristian temper,
such inconsolable grief and querulous complaint under the trials of life,
such frequent animosities towards their fellow Christians, observable in the
conduct of some Christians—that their children see true religion to the
greatest possible disadvantage, and the consequence is, that it either
lowers their standard of piety, or inspires a disgust towards it altogether.
Parents, as you would wish your instructions and
admonitions to your family to be successful—enforce them by the power of
a holy example. It is not enough for you to be generally pious—but you
should be wholly pious; not only to be real disciples—but eminent ones; not
only sincere Christians—but consistent ones. Your standard of true religion
should be very high. To some parents I would give this advice, "Say less
about religion to your children—or else manifest more of its influence.
Leave off family prayer—or else leave off family sins." Beware how you
act—for all your actions are seen at home. Never talk of true religion but
with reverence. Do not be forward to speak of the faults of your fellow
Christians, and when the subject is introduced, let it be in a spirit of
charity towards the offender, and of decided abhorrence of the fault. Many
parents have done irreparable injury to their children's minds by a
proneness to find out, to talk of, and almost to rejoice over the
inconsistencies of professing Christians. Never cavil at, nor find fault
with the religious exercises of the minister you attend; but rather commend
his discourses, in order that your children may listen to them with greater
attention. Direct their views to the most eminent Christians, and point out
to them the loveliness of exemplary piety. In short, seeing that your
example may be expected so much to aid or to frustrate your efforts for the
conversion of your children, consider "what manner of people ought you to be
in all holy conversation and godliness."
Fifthly—Another obstacle to the success of religious
instruction is sometimes found in the wild conduct of an elder branch of the
family , especially in the case of a
dissipated son.
The elder branches of a family are found, in general, to
have considerable influence over the rest, and oftentimes to give the tone
of morals to the others; they are looked up to by their younger brothers and
sisters; they bring companions, books, amusements into the house; and thus
form the character of their juniors. It is of great consequence therefore
that parents should pay particular attention to their elder children; and if
unhappily the habits of these should be decidedly unfriendly to the
religious improvement of the rest, they should be removed, if possible, from
the family. One profligate son may lead all his brothers astray. I have seen
this, in some cases, most painfully verified. A parent may feel unwilling to
send from home a wicked child, under the apprehension that he will grow
worse and worse; but kindness to him in this way is cruelty to the others.
Wickedness is contagious, especially when the diseased person is a brother.
Sixthly—Bad companions out of the house counteract all
the influence of religious instruction delivered at home.
A Christian parent should ever be on the alert to watch
the associations which his children are inclined to form. On this subject I
have said much to the young themselves in the following work; but it is a
subject which equally concerns the parent. One ill-chosen friend of your
child, may undo all the good you are the means of doing at home. It is
impossible for you to be sufficiently vigilant on this point. From their
very infancy encourage them to look up to you as the selectors of their
companions; impress them with the necessity of this, and form in them a
habit of consulting you at all times. Never encourage an association which
is not likely to have a decidedly friendly influence on their religious
character. This caution was never more necessary than in the present age.
Young people are brought very much together by the religious institutions
which are now formed, and altogether there is a great probability that in
such a circle, suitable companions will be found, yet it is too much even
for charity to believe that all the active young friends of Sunday Schools,
Juvenile Missionary Societies, etc., are fit companions for our sons and our
daughters.
Seventhly—The schisms which sometimes arise in our
churches, and embitter the minds of Christians against each other, have a
very unfriendly influence upon the minds of the young.
They see so much that is opposite to the spirit and
genius of Christianity in both parties, and enter so deeply into the views
and feelings of one of them, that either their attention is drawn off from
the essentials of true religion—or their prejudices raised against them. I
look upon this as one of the most painful and mischievous consequences of
ecclesiastical contentions.
Eighthly—The neglect of young people by our churches and
their pastors, is another impediment to the success of domestic religious
instruction.
This, however, does not so much appertain to parents in
their separate capacity, as in their relation as members of a Christian
society, and even in this relation it belongs less to them, than to their
pastors. There is a blank yet to be filled up in reference to the treatment
of the young who are not in church communion. We need something that shall
recognize the young, interest them, attract them, guard them.
Ninthly—The spirit of filial independence, which is
sanctioned by the habits, if not by the opinions of the age, is another
hindrance, and the last which I shall mention, to the good effect
contemplated and desired by a religious education.
The disposition, which is but too apparent in this age to
enlarge the privileges of the children by diminishing the prerogative of
their parents, is neither for the comfort of the latter, nor for the
well-being of the former. Rebellion against parental authority can
never be in any case a blessing, and all wise parents, together with all
wise youth, will unite in supporting that just parental authority, which,
however the precocious manhood of some might feel it to be an oppression,
the more natural and slowly approaching maturity of others will acknowledge
to be a blessing. Children who find the parental yoke a burden, are not very
likely to look upon the yoke of Christ as a benefit.
Such, my dear friends, as they appear to my mind, are the
principal obstacles to the success of those efforts which are carried on by
many for the religious education of their children. Seriously consider them;
and, having looked at them, endeavor to avoid them. Survey them as the
mariner does the flame of the lighthouse, for the purpose of avoiding the
rock on which it is placed. Recognize your children, as every Christian
parent should do, not only as animal, rational, social beings—but as
immortal creatures, lost sinners—being invited to eternal life through the
mediation of Christ. And while you neglect not any one means that can
promote their comfort, reputation, and usefulness in this world—concentrate
your chief solicitude, and employ your noblest energies, in a scriptural,
judicious, persevering scheme of true religious education. "You fathers,
provoke not your children to wrath—but bring them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord."
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