My ruling desire!

(James Smith, "Christ Exalted, Saints Comforted, and Sinners Directed" 1855)

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My ruling desire is to be wholly given up to the Lord and to His work, and to show forth His praises from day to day. But when I aim at this most—I am baffled, opposed, and always hindered!
I see what is wrong, but cannot avoid it.
I see what is right, but cannot attain unto it.
I know what I wish, but I cannot enjoy it.
I read what God commands, but I cannot perform it.

In the midst of all, I bless God . . .
   for Jesus Christ,
   for free grace,
   for a full salvation,
   for abiding comfort,
   for a good hope,
   for sweet views of Jesus,
   for a glorious inheritance,
   for an assurance of victory, and
   for the promise of eternal triumph!

Nothing can . . .
  separate me from Jesus,
  turn the current of His love from me, or
  change the purposes of His grace for me.

His love is astonishing!

His ways are marvelous!

I change; He remains the same.
I sin; He pardons.
I cry; He hears and answers.
I ask for favors; and He kindly bestows them.
I fear; and He promises.
I wander; and He says, "Return."
I lament my folly; He whispers peace.
I feel poor and impoverished; He says, "All things are yours!"
I imagine that I am alone; He says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
I expect that He will abandon me; He asks, "How can I give you up?"

I cry, "Unworthy, unworthy!"
He says, "You are My dear son, My pleasant child."

I fear I shall be overcome.
He says, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper."

I fear I shall lie down in darkness.
He says, "The Lord shall be a light unto you."

I say, "I can do nothing!"
He says, "I will work all your works in you."

I say, "I am barren!"
He says, "From Me is your fruit found."

I cry, "I am thirsty!"
He says, "I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys—to give drink to My people, My chosen ones."

I complain, "I am weary!"
He says, "Come unto Me—I will give you rest."

I feel dry and parched.
He says, "I will be as the dew unto Israel."

I say, "I need food!"
He says, "My flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed."

I fear I shall die.
He says, "He who eats Me, even he shall live by Me."

I say at times, "All these things are against me!"
He says, "All things shall work together for your good!"

I say, "I shall surely be overcome!"
He says, "Nothing shall by any means hurt you."

I say, "I am often left alone!"
He says, "Lo, I am with you always."

I say, "I am all deformity!"
He says, "You are all beautiful, My love—there is no spot in you!"

I say, "I shall see Him no more!"
He says, "I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice."

I say, "Surely the Lord cannot love such a wretch!"
He says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

I say, He cannot have chosen one so vile and base.
He says, "I have chosen you, and will never cast you away!"

I say, "I am desolate and forsaken!"
He says, "Your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name, and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel."

I say, "I shall be left to myself at last!"
He says, "I am a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

I say, "Set me as a seal upon Your arm, as a seal upon Your heart!"
He says, "I will make you like a signet ring on My finger, for I have chosen you."

I cry, "Remember me, O Lord my God, for good!"
He says, "You shall be a crown of glory in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."

I cry, "Do not be terribly angry with me, O Lord!"
He says, "I swear that I will never again be angry and punish you."

I say, "I beseech You, show me Your glory!"
He says, "Behold, I come quickly!"

I cry, "Remember me with the favor which You bear unto Your people!"
He says, "As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you—and you shall be comforted."

I cry, "Tell me where You graze Your flock."
And He says, "Follow the footsteps of My flock."

I cry, "O that it was with me as in days that are past!"
He says, "Arise, My darling, My beautiful one, and come with Me."

I cry, "My soul is among lions!"
He says, "Come down with Me, from where the lions have their dens and leopards live among the hills."

I say, "O that I was sure that Jesus loved me!"
He says, "You have ravished my heart, My sister, My spouse!''

I say, "I moaned like a mourning dove!"
He says, "Your lips, O My spouse, drop as the honeycomb, honey and milk are under your tongue."

I say, "I am exposed, and lie open to the attacks of enemies on every side!"
He says, "You are My private garden, My treasure, My bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain."

I say, "Do not look upon me, because I am black!"
He says, "You are all beautiful, O My love!"

I say, "How miserable I am! Not a cluster of grapes or a single early fig can be found to satisfy my hunger."
He says, "At our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old—which I have laid up for you, O My beloved."

I say, "I fear that my numerous sins and powerful corruptions will cool the love of Jesus for me!"
He says, "Many waters cannot quench My love, neither can the floods drown it."

I sigh, "I am feeble and sorely broken!"
He says, "I will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax."

I say, at times, "He afflicts, and counts me for His enemy!"
He says, "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten! I deal with you as My son."

I say, "I am totally unfit to be the bride of Jesus!"
He says, "Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, My love—how full of delights!"