If I could but have my wish!

(The following is an excerpt from the diary of James Smith)

February 10, 1859.
More than seven years have rolled away since my return to pastor in Cheltenham, and surely I have seen enough to exclaim, "What has God wrought!"

Never did I love to honor Jesus more. Never was I more desirous to win souls. Surely the Lord will work for me, and by me more than He ever has done. He reads my heart, He hears my sighs, He listens to my prayers. His mercy is ever great towards me.

Now that I am getting old and grey-headed, He will not forsake me. I desire nothing more than deeper sanctification — more holiness. I do love holiness in itself, and admire it in others — but I want to realize its full, all-pervading power in myself. If I could but have my wish, every inward motion, and every outward action, every thought, and every deed — would be entirely holy! Well, this will be the case soon, for my God will not withdraw His hand from me, until I am as holy as He is holy.

Alas! Alas! how far am I from this at present. Daily I feel ashamed of myself — that I exhibit so little of the nature and disposition of Jesus!